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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Amazing Grace

I drove to Valdosta today. I still knew my way around. Things have changed but Baytree, Jerry Jones Dr, Alden Ave, Remerton, and Gornto Road were still there, shooting me in the right direction. So many wonderful memories made in that city. I grew so close to Christ while there. I knew Him. He was my best friend. We talked everyday and I couldn't wait to dig into His Word to find out more of who He was. He taught me MUCH about myself during those four years. I saw my dirty heart - my sin. I saw His blood, His death, His perfection, His love, His grace. It flowed over me. My heart was undivided. I could give Him all of me - I focused on being an excellent student to bring Him glory. I wanted to please Him and be a good steward of the years in college He blessed me with. As I drove away from Valdosta today, my heart was sad. No longer do I spend massive amounts of time in His Word everyday, not even every week. I long to do so but my heart is divided. Idols? Probably. Time with Mitch, time with the kids, time to myself, time to sleep, time to spend with friends, time to go to the gym, time to clean and "keep up appearances". I long to be intimate with Christ again. It's so hard - why? Even though my time with the Father looks different now, He doesn't look upon me any differently. He still delights in me, still sings and dances over me, and still sees me as perfect - and He knows all the dirt on me. Now that's amazing grace.

7 comments:

Holly Tye said...

This is beautiful- and so true for many Christian moms, I'm afraid... it is definitely true for me. I sometimes wonder if this is why Paul suggested not marrying in 1 Cor. 7- because naturally, and rightfully- that includes a whole new set of commitments to live up to. Add children to the mix and you can bet that our spirituality will be different from that of our pre-marriage days! I've expressed this to a few different women who have both said something along the lines of "God has a special place in his heart for mothers of young children!"... and I'm so thankful for his GRACE! Sorry to be so long with this- but it really hit home for me too.

Jenn said...

I totally agree with you and Holly. Jawan what an awesome message. You should be a preacher too. lol. everything you said is so true though. He will bless our efforts though.

Amy Self said...

I feel the same way as you do, Jawan. The few times I've been back through Valdosta a flood of memories come back, and I wonder, "What happened to the Amy from my VSU days? Where did she go?" Even though I sense God's grace and freedom in more areas, I still need to priortize my time with Him much better than I do.

Amy

Jenn said...

how do you put other fam on your page? still new at this. lol

L said...

I hear you girl! I am right there with you. I have 4 books, a devotional book and 3 bibles on my nightstand. Some weeks they just sit there untouched for days in a row. UGH! I am working on it!

Also, you wanted me to post...head on over...I posted today for you! Much love, libby

amy said...

Oh to be in my early 20's and only have to divide my time between God and me...

Laura said...

Jawan- You just described a glimpse at a Christian mom's heart. I am still amazed that God's love does not change when we stray. What a glorious God!