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Thursday, March 30, 2006

Piles for miles

Last night wasn't the first night I've noticed the piles. Little piles of "TO DOs" all over the apartment. I'm getting claustrophobic. This space is squeezing in on me. I'm going crazy. It's affecting my outward-being. Am I making any sense? Look...see, there is my pile of wooden crafts to paint for the boy's room. Over there are my scrap fabrics that I need to sort through and organize. Oh, and on the side counter are various magazine pages I've ripped out to be placed in plastic sleeves for my craft notebook. There's that fine point Sharpie I've been looking for! My nightstand has a stack of books six high that are balanced just right. Yes, I'm reading them all at the same time, picking up where my bookmark left off (right now I'm reading Shepherding a Child's Heart for the second time). I won't even try to explain the mess my scrapbooking materials are in. No organization there and it's driving me insane when I try to find that certain embellishment or tool. The den bookcase has turned into a catch-all for such items. I'm going to a crop this Friday night and I'm going to have to block out an hour tonight just to find the pictures and materials that I need/want to take with me. AHHHH! Oh, and there's my constant TO DO list....the clean laundry has been sitting in the basket for two days now. I'm so happy to have a dishwasher so I can hide my filthy plates....

...Kind of like my sin....I want to hide it so others can't see it. I like to hide it so I don't have to see it or think about it. My two year old can recognize my sin....sure, he doesn't know it's called SIN, but he knows! Ever have those moments alone (usually, for me, that's only when in the shower and sometimes Andrew thinks I'm in danger so he pulls the curtain open constantly while I'm washing causing water to get all over the floor, his socks, etc) when you think back on your sin and you wince in disbelief and embarrassment? Why am I so consumed with ME and not with Christ? Am I wincing because of how my sin made me look or how I hurt the heart of God?

My goal and desire is to be organized for I love to sort things and put them in their proper place. I love sitting on the floor replacing batteries in Andrew's choo-choo for the fourth time in one week and I adore "chatting" with Luke, listening to his cooing.....but I'm tired. However, Christ is refreshing. He waters my soul, cleanses me of my filth, sees me as perfect, dances over me, disciplines me, and doesn't care that my house has random piles of random things in random places.

2 comments:

Crissy said...

Amen! Preach it, sister! I needed to hear it.

Anonymous said...

I haven't visited your blog in some time, but tonight was looking it over and found this entry. WOW! Can I tell you how much I identify with that?! Thank you for sharing your heart in this struggle. I've battled these same feelings while my time has been running out for my maternity leave and anxiety has been building as I prepare to return to work. God has been prompting me in the same ways - remember what truly matters, don't get bogged down in the little things, don't wait to embrace life until everything is done, or you will never embrace life! Love you Wannie! Thanks! Dawn